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where did my baby go?

not the best picture (it was taken on my phone), but it captures the essence of my little kid on that bright spring day. i deliberately say "kid" because there's no doubt that is what she is now - no longer my "baby". just look at her... sitting there, intensely checking out the scene in front of her. not sure if you can see it like i do, but there is a fierce independence behind those big brown eyes, an overabundance of attitude pouring out of that body, and so much going on inside that pretty little head.

right after she finished that smoothie, she eagerly ran out onto the playground but still stood back on the fringes a bit until she had decided on whom and what she wanted to play with. when it comes to physical play, she's fearless. no step is too tall, no slide is too steep, no swing can go high enough. when it comes to other kids, she's a little shy at first. but it doesn't take long until she's telling you like it is. there was a much bigger boy - probably 3-4 years old - who intentionally stepped on her hand while she was climbing up a ladder. my brave girl, she looked him right in the eye, wagged her finger in his face and said, "no kicking! that's not nice!" i had to stifle a laugh.

with this new little one on the way, i sometimes worry that he will be constantly overshadowed by his big sister's exuberance and precociousness. but then again, i also worry that he will be equally, or even more, so! hmm... maybe having a more mild-mannered, low-maintenance child won't be so bad!

the small things

maggie is almost 21 months old, and i regret not keeping up with this blog during this time. i wish i were one of those mommas who meticulously records every milestone. i think she started crawling at around 6 months, walking at 10 months, her first word other than dada and omma was ball? or was it dog? she used to eat anything and everything i put in front of her, so when did she stop liking broccoli? i'm really not sure because i've never been good at keeping records of those kind of things.

but one thing i do remember as vividly as if it were yesterday was the moment i met her for the very 1st time. when the doctor laid her on my chest and i looked down at her tiny little face, i remember thinking, "omg. she's perfect." and she truly was perfect - in the way that only a mere-seconds-old baby can be. and then came the incessant crying, the breastfeeding issues, the sleepless nights, and a multitude of other struggles that are so common in parenting a newborn but nonetheless so demoralizing. you know, those moments that you feel like all your baby does is take take take all.the.time. and you understand why they make you watch that shaken baby syndrome video before you leave the hospital. 

you quickly learn that your precious little one isn't so perfect after all. she's actually quite a pain in the butt by most standards. but amazingly enough, you love her anyways. and as she grows and becomes her own little person, gaining more and more imperfections along the way, you love her even more. you learn the true definition of unconditional love. and you don't need a blog or baby book to remind you of that. i wake up every single day in awe of it.

but i do want to get better at capturing those little moments. because i never want to forget how sweetly and genuinely she kisses me on the lips when we get to the part in the barney song that goes "with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you". or how proud i was that she could recite the entire alphabet at 19 months. or how funny it is that she tells me "bye bye omma, see you tomorrow!" even if i'm just leaving the room for a few minutes.

with another little one on the way, i know it will be even more difficult to make time to blog, take pictures, relish the small things. but i am going to make a wholehearted attempt. stay tuned!